you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
