There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
