She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
