is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
