Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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