3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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