Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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