It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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