You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
