Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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