By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
