fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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