just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
