i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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