the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
So much rum. So many feels.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
