Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
