85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
