right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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