do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Umm I'm too high to move.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
