i don't like sucking hair
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
