My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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