Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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