I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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