Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
