im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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