Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
where are my eyebrows?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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