I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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