do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
