I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
there was a trapeze. enough said
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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