If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
