If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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