Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
