I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
