I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
