i would punch a child for taco bell
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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