nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
