My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
