Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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