I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
