we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
