Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
