How'd it feel making her break her religion?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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