capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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