I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
