we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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