I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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