You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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