remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
