Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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