Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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