I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
