her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
