just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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