i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize