Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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