We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
