Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I FOUND THE LEGS
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
