I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Randomize
