I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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