His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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