What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
