It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
