i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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