That's when you crack a 10am beer
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize