yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
