Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Randomize
