i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
i now understand why vodka
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
