8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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