Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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