i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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