yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
