As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
