i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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