Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
